You can’t spell PARTNER without the letters in PARENT.
In this moment of my consciousness, I sincerely believe we as adults in partnership, have the very special opportunity to REPARENT each other.
But I think so many people are so friggin’ riddled with their own unmet needs,
they say or think shit about their partners like,
“I’m not their mother, they can figure out/do xyz on their own”.
I believe this is a projection from their ego (aka: their own unmet needs) onto their partner.
Unconsciously guided by the principle of, “My needs didn’t matter, so I sure as HELL AIN’T bending over backward for theirs”
or, “I had to figure it out on my own, so should they”
I am BLESSED AF that V doesn’t have that Ego. ^
She can sense when a child part of mine is present, and she softens and speaks to THAT part of me.
Not the rational 30 year old part of me, but the irrational 5 year old part of me.
And vice versa.
When V’s scared little 8 year old Part was present before her cello recital, I wasn’t talking to her 35 year old self like,
“You got this babuh! Don’t worry, you’ll be great”
My language & presence softened into what she needed as an 8 year old.
My voice goes RIDICULOUSLY tender and I ask, “Is my little girl scared?”, putting my hand on her heart.
She softens, bats her big eye lashes, smiles a lil’ coy smile, and nods “ya”.
I ask her questions, speaking to her LIKE A CHILD.
Not in a condescending way. In a sincere, loving parent way.
Why? Because it doesn’t matter how old we are (or how old SHE is).
We are all BABIES!!!! Tender little beings. Walking around in adult body suits.
And the tender parts of us have NEEDS.
Many that are unmet from childhood, being re-triggered for connection.
SO many people are judging their partners for “being childish” when all their partner needs is for their person to help them rewrite some shit from their childhood.
Why not lean into that?
Now, obviously the pendulum can swing TOO far…
Resulting in lack of sexual connection, lack of autonomy, etc etc. This is all nuanced.
But, 8+ years into this conscious partnership (that keeps getting better)…
It dawned on me that this is a huge piece of why we have such a happy, successful PARTNERship.
1. We never say shit about each other we wouldn’t say TO each other.
2. EVERY night at bed time, one of us asks, “Wanna have coffee together tomorrow morning?!?!” (As if it’s a brand new and exciting adventure). It feels like we’re in a never ending slumber party.
3. We consciously reparent the young parts of each other that needed acknowledgement, recognition & security.
And as a result of #3, we don’t fight or punish each other - we get over things just as quickly as kids do.
It makes partnership so EASY.
That’s my 10 cents and a lollipop, anyways.