Do you ever sell yourself out because of fear of losing love?
It's ok. You can say it.
I mean, I know I sure have.
Don't even get me STARTED on all the ways I have sold myself out, overextended and let MYSELF down, out of fear of letting others down.
I mean, if there was Red Seal of People Pleasers, I would have the certification stamped n' signed.
And honestly? It took me by surprise to even consider I was a people pleaser.
"Me? No. Nuh-uh. HELL no. I am WAY too edgy & outspoken for that shit. I have a neck tattoo, for goodness sakes. People pleasers do NOT have neck tattoos...".
"The lie detector determined... THAT was a lie" - Maury, my man, truer words have never been spoken.
Anyways, as a professional (now retired) people pleaser who was terrified of letting people down, I have learned a thing or two I wanna share with you.
As always, I gotta story to share.
THIS is the SITuation on people pleasing, and a weird reason why you should start letting people down.
Last week, we had to cancel a live training due to freak floods & falling trees that led to us losing ALL power for 8+ hours.
For a brief moment, I felt sick to my stomach about letting people down.
“What if they were excited about the training? Will they be pissed!?”
This was my FIRST thought.
Not the concern of, “Are we going to be warm enough tonight? What about the $600 worth of food in the freezer? Freezers need power to freeze! And how about the major highways that have been destroyed - are we going to experience a food shortage?”
Nope, none of that. Just the fear of people being mad at me for having to cancel a bonus training.
Weird logic, huh?
But here’s why this shows up...
My internal narrative, ever since being a wee one, has been the fear of losing love because of people being mad at me.
In the past, this quick thought/fear would have put me in a chokehold and dragged me to some dark ass places in my mind.
The thing is, no matter how old, mature, or “evolved” we are, having unresolved fears of losing love will cause us to do some crazy shit - most often leading to selling ourselves out, overburdening ourselves, dishonouring our boundaries, feeling guilty for having needs, etc...
Which is something I used to be overly familiar with - can you relate?!
Anyways, the morning after our candlelit evening spent wrapped in blankets, eating sandwiches & doritos, we woke up to the coolest message (and heat!!!).
One of our practitioners was experiencing a debilitating personal issue, and everything in her awareness was telling her to cancel her clients.
But, similar to my old story, she was scared to let her clients down.
Even though she was almost physically incapacitated to even take care of herself, she was more concerned about the needs of others.
After receiving the email from us about the training being cancelled, she said it gave her permission to do the same - to cancel her clients, and put her needs first instead of pushing through the pain.
She said that us honouring whatever was happening on our end helped her honour what was going on on her end - without guilt.
This is the power of leading by example.
If you’re someone that has been run by the fear of losing love (or anything along those lines)…
I am here to remind you that true love is not conditional.
If people pull away from you because of real life shit that’s come up that you need to tend to, it wasn’t love to begin with.
And "real life shit" can be ANYTHING. It doesn't have to be conditional or radical either.
But by you leading my example, and honouring your needs... You're giving others permission to, as well. THIS IS HUGE.
Now, I do wanna share, briefly, about the emotional root cause of people pleasing.
People pleasing is a behaviour that often stems from your boundaries, wants & needs being overridden through the use of guilt, typically during childhood.
If your Mom or Dad ever used guilt as a way to control your behaviour, it's possible you learned people pleasing as a way to gain or maintain love.
If you or your clients struggle with people pleasing, check this video out on out Youtube Channel to hear how to resolve people pleasing with Subconscious Imprinting Technique.
Hope it helps! Much love,
Kelsey (O'tion), Co-Founder of EHA
PS. Please send prayer to B.C residents.
We are lucky to have only lost power for 8 hours while many have lost their lives, livestock, farmland, homes, etc.